A few years ago, I was sitting and listening to someone talk. I can't remember the point of what he said or how he led up to it, but what he did say stuck in my mind and I've never forgotten it since. He told how a heavily pregnant woman we all knew had been in the supermarket the other day, and had collapsed on the floor. But no one came to see if she was all right. No one came to help her up, or to see if she needed medical attention. Everyone, men and women left her there. I was utterly shocked. I couldn't help wondering why they had left her there, and I still wonder now. Could it have been because the culture in which we live is now so far removed from the way it was designed to be? Because there is now such a strong determination to flatten the differences in our society that no one feels confident to extend even the most basic of human kindnesses to someone in need, lest they be accused of misogynistic behaviour? Could it also be because some men are perhaps quite happy to avoid responsibility, and because our society no longer seeks to protect the weak?
The issue of how feminism has blurred the differences between the sexes, and how that has impacted men is one which remains relevant in our society. To say feminism doesn't have any effect on men is to misunderstand how our society is constructed. Whether we like it or not, our actions affect other people. The very nature of feminism is a reaction: against the treatment of women by men (usually), and a reaction as a result of the comparison between the treatment of the sexes. But perhaps it's time women stopped being selfish and take a look at what feminism has done to men.
A while ago I was reading an article on The Telegraph website about the death of chivalry. You can read it here: 1 While I didn't necessarily agree with everything in the article, it did make me think. It was quite an eye-opener to see a complaint about how feminism has affected men, and one not from those often considered to be wackos and religious freaks. There are elements in our society that can see something is seriously wrong when a man feels he cannot offer his seat on the train to a woman. I actually quite like being treated like a lady. I like it when men stand back when the bus arrives to let me on first: not because I need it, but because it's good manners. I like it when a man offers to carry something heavy for me: not because I'm incapable, but because it's nice not to have to lug heavy things around. (OK, maybe I am incapable sometimes. The other day I put a large rucksack on, rested it on the table, and found it pulled me over onto my back. I was likened to a beetle, legs waving helplessly in the air.) Generally speaking, I am more than able to manage whatever task I am attempting, able to hold my own in conversation, and more than able when it comes to arguing my point. I don't think women are poor, helpless creatures who need big, strong men to come and make it all better. They don't. Women are strong too, but in different ways. Within the family also, men are supposed to take responsibility for teaching and providing. Not that they do it by themselves, as their wives help to carry the burden, but their different roles result in a different weighting of the responsibility.
And I think it's the word "different" that is key here. Hardly anyone seems to want to admit that men and women are different, and anyone who does is accused of perpetuating a misogynistic, patriarchal society. "Different" is bad, there must be no boundaries between the sexes. There is no beauty in the inherent differences between a man and a woman. All must be the same. So this results in men being sidelined. It can be quite easy to sideline them too, for which they are to blame.
This flattening of the differences has two results: the emasculation of men in our society, and extra pressure on already overstretched women. When men are reluctant to take a stand on an issue, it can result in women having to take their place (as with Deborah in Judges, a necessity). While this can be used by God, it isn't generally the way he intended the world to operate. Far more often women are too ready to grab the reins and take control. I have to be honest here. I find it really, really hard when someone is doing something and I know there's a better way of doing it. (Or I think I know there's a better way of doing it, which may be a more accurate statement.) It takes all my self-control not to sigh impatiently and take over. Yes, I may know better. Yes, it may be a stupid way that won't work. But surely it's better to leave someone to work it out (provided it isn't an imminent danger to life or limb), especially if that someone is a guy? Nobody likes being bossed around. I hate it. And men really, really hate it. Eventually, after being told time and time again that your role is irrelevant and that someone else is better at it, it is fairly inevitable that men, as a group, will begin to slip slowly away into the background. They become, in effect, emasculated, robbed of their role within society. They won't offer their chair, or hold the door. Some will treat women with even less respect, as "equal" means "the same" and if you treat your mates without respect, well, why not treat a woman the same way? Men no longer take a stand over anything important, leaving it to the women instead. Some rather enjoy that aspect of "equality". It's nice to watch other people fight your battles and experience no responsibility, no fallout from your actions. Men are no longer men, but boys, with an army of women to run around after them. So-called "equality" backfires spectacularly, and in fact achieves the opposite of its intended purpose.
The problem is as our culture has drifted further away from its Christian heritage, we have lost so many good things in our society. We have lost sight of what God intended when he created man and woman, and the benefits that entailed. How do we get it back? I honestly don't know. It would be so easy to say, "Go and be a better person and show some good manners", but I don't think this is the solution. It's like trying to hang the fruit on the tree, then wondering why it goes bad and drops on the floor with a dismal "plop". A culture which values and actually glories in the differences between men and women can only come as the result of God working in people to change them. Simply trying harder cannot bring about lasting change. Only the work of God's Spirit, challenging attitudes and behaviour, and convicting men and women of their need for repentance can effect a needed, lasting change in our culture.
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