A few thoughts on chivalry

I was thinking the other day (dangerous, I know), and my mind wandered to the subject of chivalry, and how it's applied and responded to. Now, I'm one of those poor, weak, pathetic females who's quite keen on it as a concept, so all fire-breathing feminists may want to beat it, or else risk getting quite annoyed. So that's my little disclaimer. Read on at your own peril.
    I said above that I'm quite keen on chivalry. On good manners in general, in fact. I get irritated when people don't say "Thank you" to the bus driver. I may need to clarify here. I don't support my local chivalry (Blimey Cow reference for any homeschoolers out there) because I am in some way incapable. I am more than able to open a door for myself or lift a heavy box or stack chairs. When I was younger, I used to refuse offers of help, not out of sheer nastiness or because I considered it an affront, but because I didn't see any reason why I should allow someone to put themselves out for me when I could do it for myself. Then I read some stuff online that made me think, and consider that perhaps I ought to accept help, that it makes guys feel useful if they can do something for you. And let's face it, does anyone actually want to stack chairs? What they're doing is serving us, a good and Biblical thing to do. So keep it up guys. Here comes part two...
    We've established the fact that being chivalrous often takes the form of offering a girl help. This is not, however, the only form which being a gentleman can take. I was in a lecture a couple of days ago, and the young (also very elegant and pretty) lecturer was having a really tough time because loads of the kids were just not engaging with her. I felt so sorry for her. But there was one guy who took it upon himself to make things easier for her. He asked questions, made comments, and was generally pleasant and affable. I was really impressed. I could see how grateful she was, and heard her thank him afterwards. That struck me as another way of being chivalrous. He deliberately went out of his way to make her job easier, without being patronising or obvious. This sort of thing can be really helpful. Socially awkward situations can be highly embarrassing, and it's relieving when a guy sees you're having a rough time of it and comes to your rescue, and either injects some life into a conversation or discreetly helps someone escape.
   However, some of the most meaningful chivalric feats don't have to be performed when a lady is present. (I shouldn't be too long now. Or I might start a 47 part series on chivalry, in true evangelical tradition.) Things that are said about a girl, especially behind her back, can be the most damaging. A girl's self-esteem can be ruined if she hears or learns of certain remarks made about her appearance. Her character can be falsely represented by unkind comments, especially by those who know her and whom she would have considered to be her friends. That is not a manly thing to do. To say something about a person not present is simply wrong. They have no chance to defend themselves, and were that girl there, what would her reaction be? Would she laugh? Or become angry? Or smile, while trying to hide the fact she's deeply hurt, and wants nothing more than to run away and cry? A man, a real man, does not allow anyone to say unkind things, true or otherwise, about a girl. He sticks up for her and tells them all to shut up. He does not join in.
    One more thing. Please do not be offended if a girl refuses help. She may have a very good reason for doing so. She may not, but that's her concern. There comes a point where it becomes ruder to insist. Unless, of course, her health and safety is in question. In which case, do what seems best.
     Having come to the end of this, it looks more like a to-do list than I intended. Please don't be offended! I mean well. Surely the principle at stake here is how we treat others, regardless of sex. We are told we ought to treat others the way we would want to be treated. Go and check out Matthew 7:12. And Philippians 2:3-4 while you're at it. We are called to respect and serve others. This is what Christ did for us when He came to earth ("The Son of Man did not come be served but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.") and when He died for us. We are to follow His example, and therefore shine as a light in a dark world. So go out. Fight dragons. Bash the bad guys. Be a knight in shining armour. Might have to make do without a horse, though. They're quite expensive to keep.